Thank you, 2011!

Isn't this photo so cheesy?! Ha! So is my title!

2011 started off feeling a lot like 2010, but I'm really glad it didn't end up that way. I remember talking to a friend in May. She was talking about how much she loved being in her 50s, and it made me wish I could just fast-forward 20 years. But since that's not an option, I've decided to embrace each year as an opportunity to grow into who I should be. From that vantage point 2011 was everything it needed to be.

• The widow brain fog started lifting.

• And because I could feel myself thinking more clearly, I made plans.
  

• And because I had legit plans, I started school!

(I know I mentioned it already, but it's the best GPA I've had...ever! It's the first time I've cared about school too...)

• Getting proactive felt right (and good).

(Not that I didn't figure that one out 2+ years ago.)

• I learned to be kinder to myself; meaning more patient. Things don't have to happen as quickly as I want them to.

• I learned more of what it means to sacrifice for your child when they need you. It's limitless.
  

• I got a little reckless... And learned how much I love it!!

(And jumpsuits make everything that much more fabulous.)

• I cut energy drainers out, and replaced them with funner people.

(Side note: If you're playing the role of victim in your life, in need of a therapist, or can't stop being such a drag...we're not meant to be! But I wish you all the best! :))

• This statement couldn't be truer!
  

Hahahaha!! It's a T. Thorpe original.

• I adopted a mantra.

It will be.


Love.
xoxo

What have I been up to??

Hi, friends!!

I'm still alive! Shocker, huh?? I bet you thought I'd never post again, didn't you??!

Let's play catchup! And maybe I'll post in more detail later. (No promises! :))

In September Jocee started preschool!
+
She loves it, and has made a lot of friends. Everyday she begs me to practice writing with her, and can sound words out like a pro. At parent-teacher conference her teacher complimented me on working with her. But I really can't take the credit. She is so eager to learn.

October was fun.

Clearly I've been rockin' at this single mom business.

I jumped out of a Twin Otter with Hawt Guy again.

It was so much more fun the second time!! Everyone needs to do it...twice! And I've decided I need to get certified. Need. Soon.

On the 21st I flew away to Loma Linda (and San Diego). I just fit there.

And vegan cousins and funny aunts make for good distractions.
Side Note: If you're in an airport (like T.F. Green on October 21st) and you go to Starbucks...and order a soy chai latte and a fruit cup..it just might cost you...

LOVE :)

November was kind of unbloggable.

Buggy turned 3!! (I.O.U: 1 blog post!)
But I spent a lot of that time proactively worrying about her. It's all good now though! So, yay!!

I learned more uses for turmeric.

Seriously, try this! It's ahhmazing!

After being Supermom I went to my 10 year high school reunion.

Not my most photogenic night, but such a good one! After 10 years, 2 kids, and bucket loads of crapola, everyone thought I looked the same! Woot!


Oh...and the biggest reason why I haven't blogged...
I went back to school! Started in August.

12 credits: DONE! And I'm scheduled to graduate in less that two years. (Thennn I need a Master's.) So excited!

Ok, ok... So that and I've been pinning.

Best vision board ever!



So that's what I've been up to.
2011 really has been a good year.
I'll post more later.

I've missed you guys!!
xoxo

7 Days

That two year mark is looming.

Except..it's not really looming at all. Last year was so different. I knew it would be the conclusion of the hardest, most gut-wrenching year of my life. So I made plans.

• I flew to Utah.
• I stayed with my BFF (and laugh-cried a lot!).
• I went to the crash site (and listened to the radio on the way).
• I cleared his marker.
• ...and I didn't do any of it alone. :)
  

It was all about him, and it was perfect. Everything I needed to put my denial card away, and embrace all that the next year would bring me.

.........................................................................................................................

And here I am, about to complete another difficult year.

But with all the (not-yet-bloggable) good that this month has brought, I just can't cry like I did then. I'm too filled with gratitude to leave room for self pity.

I can still love him. I can still miss and ache for him (and heck yes, I will still cry). But I don't have to feel paralyzed or derailed. And it's one of the best realizations ever.

Hurting less doesn't mean I'm loving him less. In so many ways, my love for him has only grown stronger.

I don't want to be defined by the worst day of my life.
I don't want Ben to be defined by the last flight he took.
(And I know Ben doesn't want those things for me either.)

Life is about choice, and this is mine...


This is my new life, and I want to live it.

"Mommy, just be Rapunzel!!"

Mommy is a Disney Princess.
Buggy is sure of it.

It's October

October is hard.
Lots of flashbacks, lots of tears.

I think of all the things we were doing at this time two years ago, and I just wish I hugged him a little tighter, kissed him a little longer, and told him how much I love him...more. I wish I savored him more. And the finality crushes me.

But I've blogged it all.
I'm sure no one needs a rerun.
Must I always be that sad little blonde widow??

October is hard, but this month has brought so much sweetness. I feel his love all around me (and my love and gratitude for him only get stronger). I feel things falling into place. I feel me becoming more of who I should be.

And all of it just overshadows the ugly.

In those sweet, quiet moments I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
And I am.

I love Ben.

:)

Happy birthday, Sister!

Dear Laura,

23 was a crazy year, huh?

You finished school and got a real job...

You got to be the hot teacher...


You got a dog...(and named him Wu Tang. Seriously??)


You've dealt with more loss...(and embraced life a little harder).

You did things that scared your pants off...

Thanks for going with me, by the way!

I'd say you've accomplished a lot.

Happy birthday!!
The Hill girls love you!!

Love,
Ginny

Did I get demoted??

I keep getting mail addressed to, Ms. Ginny Hill.

What's the deal??

Just because Hubby is on The Other Side, doesn't mean I'm a Mszzzz!

"Ms." is for...

1. Young single women who grew into...older single women (and willingly opted out of "Miss").
   
2. Neo-femi-nazis who don't want to change their last names after sealing the deal. It's all the rage.
   
3. And now widows??
   

WTFreak?


On a happy note...
Jocee got accepted to my top choice for preschool!
She is soo excited!

(And so I will shrug that envelope addressed to Ms. Ginny Hill off.)

If a Ms. is what I am now...I will rock it.

:)

Krystina's Kikis

Krystina is one of my sister's best friends.

On February 28th, she passed away suddenly in a car accident. She was just 23.

Family is everything to Krystina. Her 5 year old cousin, Jesse has battled stage IV Neuroblastoma for two years now. His treatment and progress were always top priority to her. She played an active role in his life, and was always mindful of him.



A huge source of comfort for Jesse has been his fleece Cars no-sew blanket (aka "kiki"). He has brought it along to all of his treatments and overnight hospital stays.

Knowing this, and wanting to honor Krystina's memory, a goal has been set.
Her mother, Toni has founded "Krystina's Kikis." On Krystina's birthday (October 5th), Toni plans to deliver fleece no-sew blankets to every pediatric oncology patient admitted to Children's Hospital Boston.

I would like to ask all who can, to please donate. They are accepting donations through paypal, and 100% of the proceeds are going to the materials to make the blankets.

For more info...
Krystina's Kikis

Like on Facebook: Krystina's Kikis
In the area? Krystina's Kiki Making Party

Please help Toni reach her goal.
It's a wonderful way to honor Krystina's memory, and help sick children at the same time.


xoxo

Because I don't really blog anymore...

I've been super busy, and I don't even want to blog about it.

This is my first time even logging into blogger all week.
See? Busy. But who isn't??

Hmm...how about an unflattering update?? ;)

On my hair...
It's way too short right now! I love the cut, but it's about two inches too short all over. If anyone has any ideas for growing hair out, please tell me about them! Please. I've added Biotin and silica to the my supplement regimen. I'm using a hair growth shampoo (I know! Probably a gimmick!). And I'm avoiding my straightener like the plague. (Sad face!)

On my complexion...
I'm really glad that the cystic planet that showed up on the side of my nose earlier this week, is almost gone now. Yay for salicylic acid! It was practically casting it's own shadow. I even contemplated renting out add space on it. Your local business would have gotten LOTS of exposure. ;)

On Big Foot sightings...
You would not believe the skeeze factor that has been seeking me out. OR how painfully naive I am! I'll take 90% of the blame on this one! It's foolish to think that members of the opposite sex, who spam your inbox and FB wall and ask for your number, just want something platonic. And then when there's mention of going to the beach sometime, because the beaches would love me... Yeah. Stop trying to picture me in a bikini!! (Patti Stanger would have a ton to say about that freak show.)
Super grateful to the friends who posed an intervention! Love you girls!!
Lesson learned: When faced with a Sasquatch, avoid friendly conversation.

On the weather...
I went to Walmart yesterday for some last minute essentials (i.e. my two week supply of water). The things I saw other people buy made me laugh, and prompted this status: "Milk, bread, popsicles, ice cream, microwave popcorn, Slim Jims, Diet Coke... I am so ready for this biatch!!"

On my BFFs...
T. Thorpe and some other favorites, didn't get that status. Within minutes she texted...
"How are u going to pop popcorn??"
Then...
"Oh wait, generator??"
Then when she realized that those are all foods I wouldn't eat ever, we went back and forth trying to think of even grosser, more random foods that the people of Walmart might stock up on for a natural disaster. Love her! And clearly my blonde moments are contagious! I felt just a little misunderstood. hehe :)

On my babes...
Just because I adore them, and there's nothing unflattering about them, and this post could use some of their sweetness...


Welcome to my silly life. :)

xo

PS...

To the majority of you that didn't get that inside joke posted on 8/17...

It's the Lazy Sunday SNL skit!


That was one of Ben's favorite junk food snacks. So naturally this was one of his favorite SNL skits. He'd sing it every time he got Redvines and DP.

I would get soo annoyed! haha




(Thanks to my friend, Ryanne! Not only did she get it right away, but she knew the name of the skit, too.)

:)

30+2

Bennys,

Thank you for being born 32 years ago.

And thank you for calling Polly back 23 years later.

Thank you for loving all of me.

Thank you for two perfect babies.

Thank you for reminding me that you love me still. I'm sorry I was was a bottomless pit there, for a while...

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Happy birthday.

Love,
Ginnys

A Typical In-Flight Meal

"It's all about the Hamiltons, baby!"


(Note: If anyone gets this, you are my hero.)

:)

Sometimes, I jump out of airplanes...

Here's the deal... With Ben's birthday creeping up on me, I haven't quite known what to do with myself.

So, my solution?? Something totally out of character. Something to get me way outside of my comfort zone. (For five minutes, I even contemplated a tattoo. But I'm too...noncommittal. And I can just picture the girls eventually wanting one...or 50. Yikes!)

Anway! Jumping out of a perfectly good plane, (while strapped to a guy, strapped to a parachute) made perfect sense! ;) And I kind of always wanted to. It's one of those bucket list items.


Dad and Laura jumped, too!
He has wanted to for...forever, and she actually went two weeks before we did (and loved it).


When I first met my instructor, and he was going over the basics with me, I asked him, "So, can we do a back flip?! I think that will help me be less nervous!"

He just kind of looked at me confused and slowly nodded, "We...can do a flip..."
(Maybe he wasn't expecting that! But eventually I think he got me. :))

I've decided that skydiving people are the funnest people! It was impossible to not have fun, too! Everyone laughed, joked, and chugged Red Bull on the way up!


Actually jumping was crazy, and too fun for words!

Once the parachute deployed, he told me I did really good. He even complimented me on not screaming. Ha!! I got to steer, too!

THEN he told me that I should look into getting certified, because I have the personality for it (??!!). After brushing him off, I realized he was completely serious! So most of the conversation down was about what it takes to jump alone. How much ground time... How many jumps... How safe it really is...

I think he talked me into it!


Anyway, I have over 100 amazing photos, but this video will have to do!


Apart from marrying Ben, and having two perfect babies....
Funnest thing ever!

:)

Ben & Laura

A while back, when my sister knew that I was looking at Ben's FB profile (and laughing), she told me to go look at their wall conversations. Maybe it's only funny if you know how Ben and my sister could be. But I'm posting it here.

:)

Ben >> Laura
And I was like, Yeah Whatever
September 24, 2007 11:25pm

Laura >> Ben
C.R.E.A.M. cash rules everything around me. dolla dolla bills yall. MONEY, POWER, RESPECT.
September 25,2007 11:37pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ben >> Laura
"Laura sucks at cars, phones, and black eyes."

Laura is good at adderol.
October 31, 2007 at 11:31pm

Laura >> Ben
hahahahahaha! I FREAKING LOVE YOU MAN.
November 1, 2007 at 11:59 am
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ben >> Laura
Do we need to take you to Sexburg? My current plane can do it in about an hour an 15 minutes.
November 17, 2007 at 10:04 pm

Laura >> Ben
okay, i'll be there in about an hour and ten.
November 18, 2007 at 1:30 pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Laura >> Ben
it's thanksgiving and you have my family. awesome.
November 22, 2007 at 12:00 pm

Ben >> Laura
They are my family now
November 23, 2007 at 12:12 pm

Laura >> Ben
honestly if you want to be like that, then just be like that okay.
November 25, 2007 at 12:03 pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Laura >> Ben
so you have signing time with jocee..as in sign language? wtf is this!
December 15, 2007 at 11:57 am

Ben >> Laura
Sign language for babies. WTF did you think it was?
December 15, 2007 12:48 pm

Laura >> Ben
your status said baby signing time, maybe it should say singing? singing as in sign language yo.
December 16, 2007 9:50 pm

Ben >> Laura
it is SIGNING, as in sign language; are you snorting pixie sticks or something?
December 16, 2007 10:39 pm

Laura >> Ben
pop rocks ben, pixie sticks are for kids.
December 16, 2007 10:41 pm

Ben >> Laura
smoking beer is bad for you as well
December 16, 2007 at 11:51 pm

Laura >> Ben
well i guess it's a good thing I only smoke vodka. didn't you know i was hardcore?
December 17, 2007 at 9:38pm

Laura >> Ben
i'm a lightweight? you wrote on your own wall! hahahahaha!
December 23, 2007 1:37am

Laura >> Ben
howdy ho.
December 23, 2007 at 1:37am
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ben >> Laura
When the crap are you coming again?
December 26, 2007 at 9:27pm

Laura >> Ben
hey, my plane comes in on january 7 at 4:20, coincidence? i think not.
December 30, 2007 at 3:56pm

Ben >> Laura
Stoner
December 30, 2007 at 10:48pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ben >> Laura
Trapped like rats.
February 18, 2007 at 10:51pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Laura >> Ben
happy birthday yo
August 18, 2008 10:33am
----------------------------------------------------------------
Ben >> Laura
...and I was like. Yeah whatever.
September 23, 2008 at 9:32am

Laura >> Ben
thank you kind sir.
September 23, 2008 at 11:59am
----------------------------------------------------------------
Laura >> Ben
original gangster, olive garden, orangutan gay, anything you want, but mostly original gangster.
March 15, 2009 at 8:52pm
----------------------------------------------------------------
Laura >> Ben
happy birthday dawg.
August 18, 2009 at 9:38am

It gets sad after that. But I'm keeping this one light.

Nothing made him happier.

He'd gush to anyone who would listen. He'd tell you how much he loved being a dad, how it was the best thing to ever happen to him, how he had the sweetest girls ever.

I took this one on Terisa's wedding day. Jocee was four months old. He was watching her so that I could get ready that morning. They fell asleep watching kiddie shows on PBS.

Jocee was seven months in this one... He had bought her that outfit while I was pregnant, and was so happy when she was old enough to wear it. This was just one of those sweet, lazy Saturday mornings.



Not a Saturday morning. But I remember taking it. Jocee always got so excited when he came home from work.



This was right after we had moved from Lehi to Springville. He had obviously just come home from work. Oh my gosh, how I miss that.

The day after Sophie was born... I have another with Jocee just like it.

I will never stop wishing that they had more time with their Daddy.
One of my main concerns for this life, is that they have a genuine understanding of just how much they are loved, adored, and looked after by him. I will never speak of his love for them in the past tense. This kind of love never goes away.

I love August.

It's Ben's birthday month.

And if there's any month in my life worth celebrating, it should be this one. Seriously. Because of that pivotal day in the universe, I got to meet him 23 years (and 4 months) later.

I've been looking at pictures a lot. It brings the memories attached to the moment.


Like one of the first times he took me flying with him....just to show me what he could do. January, 2006. I loved his focus as he went over his checklist, three times before he even got in the cockpit with me. He was so cute when he was serious about something.


Or the time I quickly snapped this one, without him knowing. He was radioing some tower, and looking so happy and in his element. It was the moment when I was sure that he genuinely loved what he did.


Here's a Benny quirk! Whenever he planned on going fly fishing, he'd scout the bugs to see what the fish were eating. (Gross, I know!) Sometimes he'd bring little vials to put them in. That way he could study them and tie a perfect replica. He treated fly tying like a science. I'm sure no one tied them better or caught more fish.
And after being skeezed out...I thought it was adorable for him to be so hardcore about it.



I love him.

On being a hypocrite...

Since I've already owned up to being one, I figured I may as well go all the way. ;)

Here's the backup story...

Before I graduated high school, I had never been west of the Mississippi, ever (unless you count moving from SLC when I was two).

Most people go to school for an education, but me? I'm not really sure what I was doing back then. So, I decided to go to school in Idaho. I'd never been to Idaho before. And all those things I heard about Idaho being boring couldn't be all true.

When we landed in SLC, I was in love. Mountains are even prettier in person, and dry heat was a new concept. My hair was doing amazing things.

Then we had to drive to Rexburg. I was totally excited. But...as we got closer and closer, the landscape became more and more desolate looking. The biggest store in town was the smallest Walmart I'd ever been to. Instead of trees, there was sage brush, everywhere. I even teared up a little when I saw my first tumbleweed.

Really, Idaho wasn't that bad. I met lots of fun people, and had fun doing the most random things. People actually jump off of bridges for fun there, and the sand dunes were like the beach minus water. Yellowstone is super close. It was good to break out of my comfort zone.

But like most out of state students, I would become nostalgic and miss familiar things. (So lame!)

I would talk up Bean Town like it was the best place ever, and at the time I genuinely believed it was. For me, Idaho never felt quite right.

Fast forward to today...

While the three of us were playing outside; drenched in bug repellent with gnats flying in our faces, as trees were covering a perfectly good sunset like this one...

It hit me.

I was such a hypocrite!

Back when I was sugar coating New England, did I ever mention this? Did I mention how gross and oppressive humidity can feel? Or how the drivers are some of the biggest DBs you'll never meet? Or how I fully agree with GQ? (Of course not!)

Because now when I feel nostalgic, I really miss things out west (minus Idaho). I miss dry heat, and open skies. I miss sandstone, and mountains. I even miss Yellowstone sometimes.


But really, I'm not saying that "there" is any better than "here" (even though sometimes I might feel that way). I am openly admitting that each place has it's perks and pitfalls.

It's funny knowing that my opinions can be so opposite, 10 years later. So while I'm feeling (extra) honest I'll eat those bitter words, too!

The end. :)


(Ahh...I feel better now ;))

xo