Back in the beginning of 2009, I wanted to start a blog. But I didn't know what I'd write about or if it would be anything anyone else would care to read. But that part didn't matter.
All I knew was that I did not want to be one of those stereotypical Utah moms. You know, the ones with those braggy blogs, all about how awesome their lives are? Read between the lines and they're just laughable.
In February I approached Ben about starting one. Usually he'd mention those blogs and easily talk me out of it. But this time I was surprised by how encouraging he was. He even came up with the URL. Yes, I know it's sickeningly cliche but he was being supportive, so I went with it.
Eight months later Ben died, and for a while I contemplated getting rid of it entirely.
Several people encouraged me to write as much as I could about him while memories were fresh; mainly for Jocee and Sophie. I agreed. But that seemed like such a daunting task. Each time I sat down and looked at the blank paper, all I could do was write a disjointed, tear-drenched letter to him.
But that blog was still up... The computer screen wasn't nearly as intimidating. I still had plans of someday printing those earlier entries for Jocee and Sophie to have. Memories of Daddy would make it meaningful, and someday prove invaluable.
As support from others quickly dwindled, I was left with essentially no one to talk to. If I was expected to act like nothing happened, I could blindly display my feelings somewhere else. The rejection would be more palatable if it was indirect.
So the blog stayed.
And here it is, 1 year, 1 week, & 4 days after that little world of mine imploded.
And here we are... My girls still need stories of their daddy, and they will throughout their entire lives. They will know that their daddy loves them, everyday that we are apart. They will know that he is just as real and alive now, as he was then. So as long as these memories surface, I will share them. Because really, at the end of the day I write this blog for them.
And me? I'm not even close to the woman I want to be yet. Me growing into me, could be entertaining. And even if it's not...whatev!
This blog is here to stay.
xo
All I knew was that I did not want to be one of those stereotypical Utah moms. You know, the ones with those braggy blogs, all about how awesome their lives are? Read between the lines and they're just laughable.
In February I approached Ben about starting one. Usually he'd mention those blogs and easily talk me out of it. But this time I was surprised by how encouraging he was. He even came up with the URL. Yes, I know it's sickeningly cliche but he was being supportive, so I went with it.
Eight months later Ben died, and for a while I contemplated getting rid of it entirely.
Several people encouraged me to write as much as I could about him while memories were fresh; mainly for Jocee and Sophie. I agreed. But that seemed like such a daunting task. Each time I sat down and looked at the blank paper, all I could do was write a disjointed, tear-drenched letter to him.
But that blog was still up... The computer screen wasn't nearly as intimidating. I still had plans of someday printing those earlier entries for Jocee and Sophie to have. Memories of Daddy would make it meaningful, and someday prove invaluable.
As support from others quickly dwindled, I was left with essentially no one to talk to. If I was expected to act like nothing happened, I could blindly display my feelings somewhere else. The rejection would be more palatable if it was indirect.
So the blog stayed.
And here it is, 1 year, 1 week, & 4 days after that little world of mine imploded.
And here we are... My girls still need stories of their daddy, and they will throughout their entire lives. They will know that their daddy loves them, everyday that we are apart. They will know that he is just as real and alive now, as he was then. So as long as these memories surface, I will share them. Because really, at the end of the day I write this blog for them.
And me? I'm not even close to the woman I want to be yet. Me growing into me, could be entertaining. And even if it's not...whatev!
This blog is here to stay.
xo
4 comments:
And I am always on the look out for a new entry because I enjoy (not the best word since your words usually invoke many other emotions) reading what you put the time into writing.
Also, you may not be the "you" you want, but I love the person you are today!
I love reading your blog. Your writing is incredible. I love how honest you are. Your post about the crash site was beautiful. The pictures were incredible. I think about you all the time. Lets get together over Thanksgiving or Christmas, I want to see these adorable princesses in the flesh! They are so so cute!!! Keep blogging, and thanks for letting people like me peek in and learn from you!!
I am glad your blog is here to stay. What an example you and your family are, all 4 of you. Ben is very lucky to have you as his eternal companion.
I sometimes wonder why I do read your posts, as it takes me back to over a year ago when my wife's family lost so much in a different plane. It opens up some pain that is still so tender for me, but then I realize why I do read. You remind me that it is ok to miss them, to love them, and even at times to be mad that they are gone.
While I can never understand what you are going through as time passes, my heart hopes that God can continue to bless you with His spirit and with the tender mercies he gives to those who are separated from their best friends for a time. Thank you for the example.
I'm glad. You have added much to my life through your blog, and I'm grateful for that. Love you Ginny!
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