There are so many moments when I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jocee sat on my bed, and watched as I folded laundry today.
I came across an old pair of blue sweatpants. I hadn't worn them in a while. As I folded them, Jocee exclaimed, "Mommy! Those are Daddy's comfy pants! You fold them for him!!"
I just nodded my head in agreement, and smiled.
First, I wanted to laugh.
- They are very similar to Ben's favorite pair. So they probably are a bit masculine for my taste.
- They are definitely 2 or 3 sizes too big; something that fit much better when I was newly postpartum.
- They are absolutely a pair that Ben hated on me, and would like to see me throw away; not flattering at all.
And then I wanted to cry.
- My sweet little girl remembers something so subtle about her daddy. He did wear similar sweats, and always called them his, "comfy pants."
- A rush of memories flooded my mind...
- Our lazy winter weekends... He'd change into those sweats as soon as he got home, and that always meant that he was all mine.
- How adorably content he looked, once he had changed into them.
- How he was always so grateful to me, when he found out those sweats were clean and folded just waiting for him. He appreciated the simple things.
(And Benny, I promise to throw them away before I go to bed tonight. No more baggy, old sweats that don't fit. Promise. :))
2 comments:
First I just have to say, your lil girl is absolutely beautiful in this picture :-) And I love this blog. I know what you mean by the little things (like my grandpa and his Don Kent stories). I was also torn between laughing and crying thinking about him telling that story over and over.
Oh GInny, I am so glad you write this blog. I am touched by every post. Although I just get the snippets I do from your writing, reading your blog through these months is somehow healing, and it stretches me, and it is beautiful. It is good to grieve with you. Even though, of course, I do it from a distance, and not possibly nearly as intensely as you and others more directly affected. But thank you for opening yourself and allowing me and others to be a part of the process. I love you!
p.s. wow, almost entirely vegan! you'll have to share more of that... and I want to hear about your yoga/meditation too. :)
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