Yesterday I was reminded of something I miss...
These realizations hit me at the most unexpected times. It's overwhelming to think of all the things I miss about him. But when I think of what my girls will miss, my heart breaks again.
A big part of Jocee's night-time routine, was to spend time with Daddy before she went to bed. I was always grateful for this. To me it was Ben's way of helping. I could easily feed Sophie and put her to bed quietly.
But more than helping me, it was Jocee's time to receive one-on-one attention from Ben. They would talk about her day. He would read to her. They would watch her cartoons. During football season, they would even watch football together. I would often hear them both yelling at the TV. Jocee rarely knew exactly what she was cheering for, but it made me smile every time.
Jocee loved the time she spent with her daddy. She would look forward to it each day. And when Ben was away on overnight trips, she missed him.
In short:
I know the awareness of his absence will continually impact me for the rest of all of our lives. My heart aches for all the experiences my girls are robbed of. Ben had so many plans for when they got older (I.E. camping, fishing, hiking, flying etc..). But the subtle day-to-day things are missed the most.
I still don't know how to handle it.
It hits with a paralyzing force.
These realizations hit me at the most unexpected times. It's overwhelming to think of all the things I miss about him. But when I think of what my girls will miss, my heart breaks again.
A big part of Jocee's night-time routine, was to spend time with Daddy before she went to bed. I was always grateful for this. To me it was Ben's way of helping. I could easily feed Sophie and put her to bed quietly.
But more than helping me, it was Jocee's time to receive one-on-one attention from Ben. They would talk about her day. He would read to her. They would watch her cartoons. During football season, they would even watch football together. I would often hear them both yelling at the TV. Jocee rarely knew exactly what she was cheering for, but it made me smile every time.
Jocee loved the time she spent with her daddy. She would look forward to it each day. And when Ben was away on overnight trips, she missed him.
In short:
I know the awareness of his absence will continually impact me for the rest of all of our lives. My heart aches for all the experiences my girls are robbed of. Ben had so many plans for when they got older (I.E. camping, fishing, hiking, flying etc..). But the subtle day-to-day things are missed the most.
I still don't know how to handle it.
It hits with a paralyzing force.
1 comment:
Ginny I am so sorry for your loss. We continue to pray for you and are constantly strengthened and taught by your powerful words and example. What a wonderful (and beautiful) eternal family you have!
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