Oh, to be 18 again! (just kidding)

Lately I've been feeling nostalgic for simpler times. Whenever I think back on being 17 or 18, I always think of how fun it was. I was the picture of carefree and confident. Life was so easy and full of promise. Everything made sense.

A few weeks ago I found some of my old journals. Since then, I've read through most of them and have officially changed my mind.

This entry in particular, is a bit repulsive...

Tuesday
11/20/01

Something really weird happened today. I was running late this morning, so I didn't have time to pack a full lunch.

So...when it was lunchtime I decided to go to Dunkin' Donuts in the mall and get a cranberry muffin and a small hot chocolate. Here's where it get's weird---> When the guy behind the counter gave me my order he told me I was, "all set." I thought that I heard him wrong and went to give him the money. He wouldn't take it and told me I was, "all set." ...I said, "Okay..." and walked away really confused.

When I sat down in the break room to eat it, I realized that it wasn't hot chocolate. It was like this pumpkin pie flavored coffee thing. It was really good. I'm pretty sure it wasn't coffee.

I was completely confused about the whole thing.---If I was looking cute today then I'd just figure he was flirting and trying to be nice. But I definitely know I was not cute today. I had no makeup on at all, my hair was tied back, and I wasn't wearing cute clothes.

If he was flirting then I think he's got low standards. Because I'm really not that cute unless I put a lot of effort into it.

But, maybe I'm not as horrible looking as I think. I don't know! Today after work I was talking to my mother outside of Victoria's Secret (she was handing out samples). She said that when I left the guy selling hot tubs (in front of Victoria's) said, You have a beautiful daughter."

But I wasn't wearing makeup! I didn't spend extra time looking cute (making myself look cute). I wasn't even wearing cute clothes.

I guess I'm just one of those people who can only feel attractive if I spend two hours getting ready. I really wish I know why he gave me my order for free. What was he thinking?--Just wish I could read minds.

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cringe!

So after a long day of working retail at JCPenney, this is what had consumed my thoughts that day? Really??

And let's talk about how...eloquent I was!
How many times could I say "cute" in one entry?? (I counted 7.)
Could I have been any more repetitive or shallow or self-absorbed??
The whole composition is just awful.

And why did I not thank that kind boy??


In short:
While I am struggling in my current circumstances, I am happy.
Up to this point in my life, I like the woman that I am; much more than that carefree teen I once was.