???

How do people do the life thing; with the house that they've lived in since 1981, and the job they've had even longer??  And the marriage...that one where they even grow old together??  How?  How does that happen??  How does anything stay that constant??  Are they ducking curve balls...or wrecking balls??  I'm being serious.  (Kind of.  I just started singing an awful song in my head... You know you did too!!  But I digress...)

Back when I was 17 and planning my life, I envisioned something constant and relatively uneventful.  I'd marry some phenomenal guy (with blonde surfer hair, and blue eyes, and muscles).  I'd be a trendy soccer mom who goes to spinning classes and drives a cute SUV.  We'd have three perfect blonde children (a boy, and two girls).  I'd go back to school for fun when they were in school all day, and maybe I'd do hair and makeup.  And we'd live somewhere fun, in the perfect house.  Happily ever after, the end.

I was an idiot.

And for the record, Ben was infinitely better than any man I'd ever met.  Jocee and Sophie are more than I could have ever hoped for.  We all know this.

But where's the consistency that I was banking on?  At this point my only constant is inconsistency.  And the only person I can really bank on for the future is myself.  I'm it.

But where will I be in three years??  What kind of practice will I have??  Will I be successful??  Will we ever stay anywhere long term; long enough to buy a cute house in a cute, safe little neighborhood??  Or maybe I'm just trying to salvage the last of that 17 year old's pipe dream??

I'll have to work my glutes off, and see what happens.