Please note:

Those resolutions that I made last year are still in effect.

That is all.

Stream of Consciousness: Dec

I've been super all-over-the-place lately. Is it obvious?? Soo this will be extra random.

It's so crazy that tomorrow is New Year's Eve already...

I am so so sick of snow. What can be good about anything cold and wet?? Someday I'll move somewhere where it never ever snows, and I'll never ever miss it. I just wasn't meant to live in a cold climate.

Jocee and Sophie have LOVED it this year though. I need to post about that. They are the cutest. Sometimes I wish they'd never grow up. I'm so lucky to be their mom. :) In my limited mommy experience, I've decided that 3 1/2 is my favorite age.

An old friend from high school emailed me today and took credit for that drawing I posted earlier! We still don't remember who The Kid was. But we decided that she drew it during 10th grade English class. I had braces then... Oh, and he had to be in a different grade too. But that's all we got!

I think it's funny how one of my best friends and I weren't even friends in high school. We had a lot of the same classes, and some of the same friends. But coincidentally we probably never said two words to each other. I have this one memory of her telling our 10th grade Biology teacher that her then boyfriend was going to make a six-figure salary once he got his Bachelor's. I thought to myself, "That girl is so not going to be with that guy by then. And he could totally change his major and do something else..." Ha! I have no idea what he does now, but I'm pretty sure I was right.
Love her! She deserves her own post!

I watched "Maid in Manhattan" tonight and cringed the whole time! I still can't believe Ben sat through that. I can't believe I sat through that, or even invited him to watch it with us. I must have looked really cute that night, or something... It makes me happy that, the post gets the most hits. It was the start of a lot of good things. :)

Oh, Christmas wasn't as awful as I thought it would be... I think of how and where I was this time last year, and I shutter. I'm grateful to be one year removed from it.

And really... I know I post about this a lot, but Ben is still the sweetest. I don't care how skeptical most people can be. Those little reminders I always get made December better.


That is all for now.

xo

Christmas '10

Happy Christmas to all!
And to all, a good night!!

Love,
The Hill girls

We're a coordinated bunch...
xo

Something you didn't know

...until now. :)

When Ben and I watched TV at night, I gave him full control of the remote (>90% of the time). This never bugged me. More often than not he'd choose something on Comedy Central or History channel.

But that's not the thing!

Every once in a great while he'd choose to watch one of my shows with me... I started noticing that this happened at the same time every week (or whenever there was a marathon). AND that it only happened with one show.



He acted like he was being nice, but I knew he liked it!! I even caught him watching it without me a few times. I'm certain that we watched every season and episode while he was here.

So...there's a marathon on today and I couldn't be happier! Who needs A Christmas Story when you have Home Sweet Hollywood?? As I watched it, I realized how similar T. & D.'s dynamic is to how we were. And I see why Ben liked it so much.

I'm sure he'd never openly admit to it. But now you know!
:)

Time out!

She takes it seriously.

Love my Monkey!

It's Official

...and a little bittersweet.
A moment of silence is requested.

:)

Before there was Ben...

...there was, The Kid.


Here's the deal... There's this FB fan page for my 10 year high school reunion. It'll be sometime next year. This eerie realization is making me feel nostalgic (and old!). I was a total dork back then. Bangs, braces, Dr. Martins, sweater vests... Cringe. (For the record, that was just freshman and sophomore year, but still bad!)

So... Here I am! Living with my parents... Every once in a while I find something ancient that they've hung onto.

These trips down memory lane can be fun, but I cannot for the life of me remember where this was from. I can't remember who would have drawn this lovely...diagram (definitely not me). And why did I keep it? Why did my parents keep it?? This had to be a joke.

I'm guessing it was from freshman or sophomore year of high school. By junior year I had given up on those tacky uniform sweater vests, and boys that went to the same school.

Maybe this boy wore a black hat...and a CC sweater vest... He was obviously a big enough deal for me to talk about, and for someone else to draw a picture of. And then for me to keep it as a memento... Awkward!

Anyway! If anyone reading this is from high school and remembers "The Kid" please remind me! I have not a clue. And if you drew this masterpiece, take credit! You know you want to own this. ;)

The Truth

Camping, summer '04

• We had only hiked a half mile at this point.
• Ben was carrying 90% of everything.
• My pack was actually very light.
• I was saying something to the extent of, "Oh my gosh. It's hot. I'm sweating! So gross."
  

London

Ben never really cared for holidays. It was one of his quirks that could really bug me. He usually forgot my birthday. He totally spaced our third wedding anniversary. So, the holiday season was no exception. (He blamed it on a mental block brought on by traumatic childhood memories. But those are not mine to share.)

Anyway! When it came to Christmas I always had to remind him, and tell him exactly what I wanted. For Christmas 2005, I wanted him to pick out a new perfume for me to wear. I had been wearing the same scent for a while. I gave him a list of three different options to smell.

Two weeks before Christmas he got it. He told me as soon as he picked me up from work. I could tell that he was proud of himself, and excited to give it to me. He told me all about how he boldly went into the department store, and carefully smelled almost all of the available scents. He had spent almost two hours before he found the perfect one. According to him, it was better than any of the perfumes I had thought of.

He had taken this assignment more seriously than I wanted him to. His heart was set on me loving what he chose.

I was completely willing to wait the two weeks so that I could open it on Christmas morning. BUT he was so excited that he gave it to me that night.

It was still in the shopping bag when he handed it to me. I had never heard of the brand or perfume before.

As soon as I sprayed it on my wrists....my eyes teared up. And not from emotion... It was overpoweringly strong, and stung my nose. The stuff smelled awful.

I looked up and saw him smiling, eager for a positive reaction. I had to lie.

Holding back my gag reflex...
I told him I loved it.

That next morning I reluctantly decided to wear it to work. I was relieved that no one said anything negative about how I smelled... (But they didn't say anything positive either!)

I told a few close friends the story behind it. They all told me how I needed be honest with Ben and I tell him how much I hated it. I saw their point. And it was valid.

But I never could bring myself to do it.



I still have it. The bottle is old, scratched, and half empty.
Every once in a great while, I'll spray my wrists. My nose will sting all over again. I'll still dislike what I'm smelling. But the thought of that sweet man braving the beauty department...for two hours...melts my heart every single time.

I love him.

Why I love T. Thorpe

Since she gets so much honorable mention on the blog, I figured I'd elaborate. Here are some reasons why this girl is one of my best friends...
:)

• Even though we went over three years with no contact, as soon as I needed her, she was there. And we picked up right where we left off. (Oh, about that... It's a funny story! I'll just say, it's a good thing that we won't ever be getting pregnant at the same time again!)

• We've been known to talk on the phone for 8 hours, straight. Usually about a lot of nothing, and laughing almost the whole time!

• Whenever we get together we laugh. Hard. I'm pretty sure neither of us are that funny, but we definitely think we are!

• She insisted that I compile a list of qualities to look for in Mr. OkayForRIGHTnow. It's a very competitive position. She has the list somewhere. Applicants need not apply for another....9 years! :)
  

• When it comes to constructive criticism, we are brutally honest. Most people could easily take offense. Ha! We call it love.

• We totally get each other. I'm so used to having to explain myself to people. So I'll preface statements with a phrase like, "This may sound weird to you, but..." Without fail her response is always, "Okay. How is that weird??" Love it!

• We discuss and study quirky topics ad nauseum. Think moon cycles, Feng Shui, numbers, shopping deals... Nothing is ever too weird for us!
  

• Even though I never got to meet her mom, I know she likes me. :)

• Our kids are the same ages. As soon as they met, they adored each other. Play dates are super easy. And when they can't play together, they talk about each other constantly.

• Old movies and soy ice cream.

• Peacocks and fluffy chickens.

• Even her hubby totally gets it. He says she's the Cristina and I'm the Meredith! Haha! (I've never seen Grey's, so...yeah!)

In short: I stinkin' love this girl, and I'm so lucky to have her in my life!


And especially for this long.
:)

Ginny is Currently....

...feeling slightly gluttonous.
...and scatterbrained too! :)
...grateful for the family and sweet friends who put up with her!
...certain that she is the mommy of two of the funniest people alive!
...wishing she lived in a warmer climate!
...wondering why she gave up on hot chocolate for so long.
...so glad she got a GPS! haha
...anticipating an upcoming UT trip.
...missing Ginger's Garden Cafe.
...almost done with Christmas shopping.
...thinking colored lights on the tree are soo tacky.
...can't believe how much the girls have grown in one year.
...thinking her toes could use a fresh coat or two of magenta.
...having too many blonde moments.
...listening to the same song on repeat.
...needing to do laundry instead.
...remembering the sweeter things.
...looking forward to 2011.

And ALWAYS...
...loving her babies.
...grateful for sweet memories.
...wishing he was here.

Dear Universe...

Just putting it out there!!

xo

Stream of Consciousness: Nov

I totally spaced a Stream of Consciousness post last month. But I didn't like what I was thinking about most of that time anyway. Sometimes I think it's dumb to write one. But, whatever. Here's some mind puke!
:)

I feel really quiet lately. Is it obvious?? I feel like my writing skills have plummeted.

I'm really glad this month is over. I'll be really glad when next month is over, too. I keep having flashbacks of where I was last year. In complete shock. The holidays came on so quickly and I was too numb to care.

Call me crazy, but I kind of miss being numb like that. This year I get to be acutely aware of what my new normal is. Ben isn't here (physically), and that will become more and more normal. Yuck. Denial has worn off and reality is raw. There's nothing to shield me from it.

Soo I'm being super lame and listening to emo crap. I used to make fun of people who did that. Like My December.... I don't want it to be December tomorrow... Ha! Gotta snap out of it. Hmmm....something upbeat....

Oh! Thanksgiving was wicked fun (See that?? Hah!). I forgot how much I've missed holidays in New England. And my family is the funniest! I love them so much. :)

I wish my babies weren't sick. They're the sweetest. I love that they are best friends. It makes everything worth it. Sophie is saying the cutest things... I should write a post all about that.



And that's pretty much where my head is at. I'll be better soon.

Love!!

Today

:)

...

I hate the news.... I haven't really watched any since that day. Why couldn't the media have waited just 15 minutes longer, so that the cop could tell me first??

And now when I hear of people passing on, I can't help but feel love and sorrow for the families they have left behind. How their lives are changed, and the grief they face.

I am deeply saddened by yesterday's news. Several friends notified me all at once; ...another small plane crash so close to where we used to call home, and from the same flight school Ben instructed at.

Immediately, I checked news websites to see what I could find. I was sickened to see that the families hadn't been notified yet. I felt helpless for them. I caught myself pacing like I had before, knowing that at any moment hearts would break.

I wondered what they were doing, and so hoped they didn't read what I read. I hoped they had been too busy. I hoped they didn't have to feel that same helpless panic.

My heart especially breaks for the children and spouses that these people leave behind. My thoughts and prayers are with them.

(I don't want this post to come up on a search engine. And I would like to give the families the privacy they so dearly need and deserve. But to understand more click here.)

The Dollar

We had just got back from our honeymoon. I can't remember what we were talking about, but he was certain that he was right and I was wrong. He wanted to bet me 50 bucks. I reminded him that our new joint checking account made money bets moot. He agreed...

"The Dollar" was more my idea, but he ran with it. Immediately he reached in his wallet, got a dollar and made it official.

Whoever got The Dollar, had the satisfaction of knowing they were right. We bet that dollar on everything, especially the smallest, silliest wagers; for all of the 5 years & 5 months.

In that last move from Springville, Terisa found it. She took it and told me that she'd mount and frame it. At the time I didn't care, and quickly forgot. But around the 11 month mark, she randomly stumbled upon the perfect frame (with a little help from above :)).

Before we left the crash site, she gave it to me. Seeing it again reduced me to tears. Maybe it shouldn't have. But the little things that are left behind have meant the most.
And I adore that chicken scratch handwriting of his...

I love Ben.


Thank you, Terisa!!

Rock Star Week

With all the craziness of October going on, Lizzie B & I decided that a Rock Star Week was in order. Actually...since she is the best at getting concert tickets, she found out that two of our favorites would be in the area during the same week... Love her!!

On October 16th we saw...

He was even better in person! The venue was really small and intimate. He needs to be playing bigger shows. I don't understand how he isn't more well known. Loved it.
And I found a new favorite song...

Sweet moments :)

On Saturday, the 16th we saw...

They've been my favorite since I was 17, but I hadn't seen them live yet. It was definitely one of the best concerts I've ever been to. They played almost all of my favorites.

We both developed a renewed appreciation for Jason Wade. His jeans fit well, and he didn't dance around the stage weird. We're not picky! ;)

Oh, and shortly after this vanity shot was taken, some classy broad spilled her beer all over my jacket. We had to laugh at the irony!
Still one of the best concerts ever.

And a really good week, with a very sweet friend.
:)

My Baby is TWO!!

It's so hard to believe this sweet baby of mine turns two years old today! I so enjoy this age, and I love the little person that Sophie is becoming.


She has the sweetest disposition, and the cutest sense of humor. She'll even laugh at her own jokes. Seriously!


She has some of the funniest facial expressions ever!

...all the time. :)


She LOVES playing with my hair, and always has. This was part of the reason for her Rapunzel costume for Halloween. (Yes, I know. She refused to wear the wig and the tiara).

Playing dress-up is one of her favorite things to do.

She carries a blanket everywhere. Her current favorite is a purple fleecy one.

She LOVES the color purple...and Tinkerbell....and Princesses....and firetrucks. ;)

She still talks about Daddy. More than anyone else can, she reminds me of him.

If there are words to express how grateful I am for this little girl, I can't find them. I could talk about her endlessly to anyone who would listen. I feel so blessed to have her. Our eternal family wouldn't be complete without her. She amazes me everyday.

Happy birthday, Buggy!!
Mommy & Daddy love you!

Here's The Deal

Back in the beginning of 2009, I wanted to start a blog. But I didn't know what I'd write about or if it would be anything anyone else would care to read. But that part didn't matter.

All I knew was that I did not want to be one of those stereotypical Utah moms. You know, the ones with those braggy blogs, all about how awesome their lives are? Read between the lines and they're just laughable.

In February I approached Ben about starting one. Usually he'd mention those blogs and easily talk me out of it. But this time I was surprised by how encouraging he was. He even came up with the URL. Yes, I know it's sickeningly cliche but he was being supportive, so I went with it.

Eight months later Ben died, and for a while I contemplated getting rid of it entirely.

Several people encouraged me to write as much as I could about him while memories were fresh; mainly for Jocee and Sophie. I agreed. But that seemed like such a daunting task. Each time I sat down and looked at the blank paper, all I could do was write a disjointed, tear-drenched letter to him.

But that blog was still up... The computer screen wasn't nearly as intimidating. I still had plans of someday printing those earlier entries for Jocee and Sophie to have. Memories of Daddy would make it meaningful, and someday prove invaluable.

As support from others quickly dwindled, I was left with essentially no one to talk to. If I was expected to act like nothing happened, I could blindly display my feelings somewhere else. The rejection would be more palatable if it was indirect.

So the blog stayed.

And here it is, 1 year, 1 week, & 4 days after that little world of mine imploded.

And here we are... My girls still need stories of their daddy, and they will throughout their entire lives. They will know that their daddy loves them, everyday that we are apart. They will know that he is just as real and alive now, as he was then. So as long as these memories surface, I will share them. Because really, at the end of the day I write this blog for them.

And me? I'm not even close to the woman I want to be yet. Me growing into me, could be entertaining. And even if it's not...whatev!

This blog is here to stay.

xo

Happy Halloween!!

Love,

Sleeping Beauty & Rapunzel

One Year Ago Today

I attended the sweetest funeral I'll ever go to.

A chapel in Springville, Utah was above maximum capacity. More than 500 people were there. There was a certain measure of comfort in seeing so many pilot uniforms as I walked in.

My only request was a closed casket. I didn't want any memory of Ben inanimate.

His younger brother and one of his best friends centered their talks on his service to others. His sisters and sisters-in-law read that 30th birthday post I wrote, and his "25 random things" FB note. His older brother read Ben's letters to our babies.

It was such a sweet representation of his life. I smiled as I heard people laugh. I knew it's what Ben wanted. I was grateful to be his.

(It could have been perfect if we didn't ask his mission president to close with the Plan of Salvation. Epic FAIL. Annnd if the stake president didn't randomly get up and awkwardly ramble about how he didn't understand why these things happen to good young people. Mood killer. But perfect is unattainable! :))

One year has passed, and a day hasn't gone by that I haven't felt that same gratitude. That sharp, crippling pain may ease, but love remains the same.

The Crash Site

All I wanted to do on the 21st was to go to the crash site. In the days after the crash, the NTSB workers offered to show family members the wreckage. A few people went, but I could not.

I've played that denial card to varying degrees for far too long. And so one year later, I wanted to stand in that very spot at 4:09 PM MST. I wanted to see it for myself, and let reality sink in.

The drive to the airport was sweet. I laughed as I realized none of my makeup was waterproof.

When we got there, I looked at those rocks first. To this day, I don't understand why they are there. It's been explained that their purpose is to reinforce the dirt road. Genius, right?

And then I turned to my left and saw it.

I looked over at runway 3-6 and couldn't help but feel proud of him.
Ben really had been just a few feet shy of a different outcome. He loved when he could "paint the lines" on the runway with his landing gear. He'd post video on FB of those smooth, centered landings. This could have been one of them. But it wasn't.

Sometimes engine failure, a faulty fuel line, an unexpected headwind, and some up-sloped rocks prove to be too much.

I will always be grateful that I was able to go to the site one year later. It was one of those few clear moments in life. Those moments when I knew without doubt that I was supposed to be exactly where I was, exactly when I was there.

And when we got in the car to leave for the cemetery, I couldn't help but smile more...

Forever it's you, forever in me. Ever the same.

La La Lame!

Quoting song lyrics is pretty lame. I promised myself I'd never do that on a blog post. I really should be able to find better ways of saying things all on my own.

But when a song that I've never heard before comes on the radio, on the drive over to the crash site, exactly one year after my world fell apart....I make an exception. It's not a coincidence, and I love him for it.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you, tell you I need you

Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

Oh, let's go back to the start

Running in circles, coming up tails

Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy

It's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science, science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh and I run to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh, it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

Favorite life lesson this year: There is no such thing as closure when you love someone. The relationship continues on, and in the sweetest ways.

I love Ben.

(Note: I know the song isn't new or anything. Maybe I've heard it before, but I haven't listened.)

21 Oct 2009

(DISCLAIMER: This is long. I won't care if no one ever reads it.)

I've thought about that day, every single day for the last year.

I remember waking up tired, hoping the day would go by fast.

Sophie cried out, "Daddyyyy!" and Ben quickly went to her. I was glad that he did. Getting out of bed was hard. It was cloudy outside, and I didn't like it.

Ben left for work. I gave the girls their baths and breakfast. While they watched cartoons, I quickly mopped the floors.

He came home soon after I had started his laundry. I asked him if he liked the way the new floor cleaner smelled. It was supposed to smell like lavender. He had hated the lemony stuff I was using before. He shrugged indifferently and told me he was going to take a nap.

Later I went upstairs with the first load of clean laundry to put away. He was sitting in bed with the laptop. We smiled at each other while I started folding.

He mentioned that the owner of the offending plane wanted to start flying again.
The plane has just had work done, and it was ready to be flown again.
And so this...gentleman....(whom I have not heard from since)....wanted to fly again.

I sat down at the desktop and quickly responded to a few emails.
He told me I looked cute.
I rolled my eyes.
He just smiled.

I went downstairs and got busy with babies and more Ben laundry. I can't remember most of that day. But I do remember when he left. He came downstairs and put his shoes on. He explained where he was going. He was going to fly the plane from Provo to Spanish Fork and come right home. He told me he'd be back before dinner.

We weakly said, "Bye," as he walked out the door. He'd be home soon.


At 4:00 pm I started feeling agitated. Maybe he was on his way back. I wanted to call him, but couldn't find my phone.

I looked at the clock at 4:12 pm, right before I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I just reminded myself that he'd be home soon. I washed my face and looked in the mirror. I decided some makeup would make me feel better.

By 5:54 pm I decided dinner was going to happen without him. Jocee asked for eggs so I went along with it.

I was in the middle of scrambling when Breaking News came on at 6:00 pm.

Both girls started crying, so I only heard key points.

• Single engine plane crash...
• Provo airport...
• After 4:00 pm...
• Pilot killed....
• No one else on board...
• Believed to be a local pilot...
• People are sad...

• Family needs to be notified.

Quietly I said to myself, "Ben that is not you. You are not leaving me. You're coming home to tell me what that loser did wrong." I wondered if Ben saw the crash. Wouldn't he call me?? All the facts started to sink in. But it had to be wrong.

I gave the girls dinner.
And then I panicked.
I ran upstairs and checked KSL.
What if I was Family? What if this pilot didn't have a name yet because they had to tell me first?

I came downstairs and started pacing. My phone was on the TV stand. I called Ben. No answer.


And then there was the gentle tap on the door.
I opened it, and saw a young cop with a woman to his left.

All I could say was, "My husband is dead."
[His eyes widened as he took a step back.]
"So that thing I just saw is wrong. I'm not the family. He's okay?!"

The cop asked to come in. He never said the words. He just nodded, and apologized. The woman who was with him, explained that she was a grief counselor. She offered to make phone calls for me, but I told her not to.

I called my parents first. (I hung up before they could ask questions.)
Then Ben's dad.
Then his youngest sister.

I was glad she was too shocked to react. Maybe that meant this was all just a sick joke. Everyone would be mad at me when Ben came home. She offered to make the rest of the phone calls for me, and I agreed. I didn't want to hear anyone cry.

Another sister called. She was so hysterical that I couldn't fully understand her. I decided that if she was upset then it had to be real.

I remember so clearly watching several people with tear-filled faces, dressed in pilot uniforms approach the door and come inside. They somberly introduced themselves; some hugged me. They had known 2 hours longer than I did. I wondered why they could cry and I couldn't.

A lot of people came over that night. When most left I tried to cry, but the tears wouldn't start. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Did it mean I didn't care?

I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept of Ben leaving mortality. I spent most of that first night in the bathroom. And when I wasn't, I replayed the day's events over and over and over.

I wish I didn't do any laundry.
I wish I cuddled with him instead.
I wish I told him how much I love him and always will.

I wish I stopped him from leaving.
I wish I came up with a reason for him to stay home.
I wish I let the air out of his tires.

I still wish he never walked out that door. He took so much of me with him.

The Last Photo

Playing with Jocee before bedtime.

Packing!!

Right now I'm packing to leave for Utah!!

Here's the deal.... Anxiety for this one year mark started building back in August. I had no idea what I was going to do on that day, and being here in MA just didn't feel right. But how could I justify another trip?? I felt stuck (and anxious, and sad).

One night at the end of September, all these weird feelings made sense. Being in Utah would make the day easier. I needed to at least try to plan a trip there.

My parents were more than understanding, and offered to watch both girls so I could go alone. They even told me to go for as long as I could. The next morning, I went online to look at tickets... I found the cheapest tickets to SLC that I have ever seen! (Thank you, Southwest! :))
Coincidence? Heck, no!

So my plans for this 5-day trip will be...

• Traveling kid-free!--I won't even know what to do with myself!
• Seeing good friends. :)
• Time with the little sister. :)
  
• Staying with T. Thorpe.--That means laughing, movies, & soy ice cream will be involved.
• Seeing the crash site for the first time ever.--I feel ready now. Everyone who has, tell me how close he was to the runway and a safe landing. It affirmed his skill level and exactness as a pilot, and I'll get to see it for myself. I'm sure there will be an element of closure.
  
• Seeing the grave marker in person.

All things I really need, and I am deeply grateful I'll get to do them.


Thank you, Bennys! I couldn't have planned it better myself.

Sunday Morning, 18 Oct 2009

The last photo I took...

Ben's Last Post

One year ago, today....
14 October 2009

Some USAF recruiters came to UVU that day. Ben didn't even tell me about this himself. He figured it would be lame, so I found out from a friend (the wife of one of his friends/coworkers).

That morning as he left, I told him to have fun.

When he got home that night he was extra happy. He couldn't stop talking about how much fun it really was. The recruiter had been impressed by how many flight hours Ben had. When he saw how well Ben handled the plane, he let him do extra things.

I loved it. To see him so happy, made me happy too.
It was a good day...


We had no idea there were only 7 days of normal left.

Daddy's Girls, 12 Oct 2009

When he came home from work that day, he played with the girls while I made dinner.

After dinner we watched Monday Night Football on the couch together. (Actually he did while I fell asleep.)

I never thought I'd feel nostalgic for Monday Night Football...

Happy List

Real talk: I knew this month would be difficult, but I couldn't have anticipated how much. Flashbacks of what we were doing this time last year leave me feeling empty and deflated. I so desperately want to go back to that time, and stay there forever.

I've had way more of those snot-nosed, puffy-eyed, head-pounding cries than I'd like to admit. I really hate them. I only feel worse after. As part of my effort to avoid them, I've been taking note of happy things to distract me. Sometimes it works.
Here was today's Happy List....


1. I love, love, love when this happens! Jocee barely ever naps anymore. But when they take a nap together, it's marvelous (and adorably sweet)!

2. I totally forgot October is breast cancer awareness month! That means...pink everything!! I know one little girl who is going to love that, and another who will go along with it because she loves her big sister. :)


3. I have started couponing again!! Before the crash I was really good at it. I could cut a $150 grocery bill down to $50. Ben even bragged about my skills. :) After the crash I stopped caring. One of my goals for the year mark was to get back into it. Well, yesterday, I saved $10 using just coupons!--A decent first attempt.

Life is sweet.
:)

Lately

It has been easy to forget all the reasons why I love this time of year.

While the 3 of us played outside today, I remembered some of those reasons.

I adore these sweet faces.

I really am lucky.
:)

Evidence

Remember that post I did back in July about my quirky quirks??

Here's some proof that I did not make them up. :)


1. I've been listening to a lot of Lifehouse in honor of a concert on the 16th. This one is back in rotation, and I'm totally not sick of it...10 years later.

2. I got a full 8 hours of sleep last night...thanks to all of my many pillows!


3. Thanks to my water habit, I'm on my third phone this year. The last one bit the dust early one morning when Sophie came in my room. She took it and in a matter of milliseconds, dropped it in the glass of water by my bed. I have since resolved to not keep a glass of water there.


4. Recently I got this trench. I actually wanted something more classic, but fell in love. :)


5. Jocee tried covering my mouth and begged me to stop singing this song. I can't blame her. Audrey Hepburn's voice-over did a better job anyway. No question.

6. I haven't laughed and cried simultaneously in a little while. That's a good thing.


7. Yesterday I saw the 1995 version of this movie for the first time, and I was completely repulsed. My dad watched it with me out of curiosity, and completely agreed. Old movies really are better.

8. Right now I have two bruises on my legs, and no idea how I got them. Classy.

9. Last week a good friend and I were reading a flier. She laughed and asked if I was annoyed that the word sensitive was misspelled (sensative). I was.

10. Do I really need to give an example of me thinking too much?? ;)

(And there's my attempt to lighten the mood. Next month will be happier.)