To: The Best Daddy

There's not a day that goes by that we don't think of you, talk about you, and miss you.

Happy Father's Day!!

We love you always.

Love,
Jocee & Sophie

Gerber Daisies

I love when your husband's friends request you on FB, because they're missing him too.

Then I love when some of them leave you sweet notes periodically, just so you don't feel forgotten.

And because they are so thoughtful online, and you make trips out to UT whenever you can, I love how you decide you've just gotta meet them in real life.

And the best part is when all of their posts translate into a real person, who is just as genuine as they seem.

So Mother's Day rolls around, and intuitively they just know this day will be a difficult one. And because they know, and they read your blog, they send you your favorite flowers just to brighten the day.
I love when that happens!



Thank you, Jaime O!!
It means so much to me!

xo

Easter '11

Love,
The Hill girls


P.S. Real photos will be postponed this year! Jocee has a super fun case of Pink Eye! Naturally, she was thrilled; until she realized she needed eye drops. I've been pretty kick-A at making sure it doesn't get spread. Knock on wood for me, peeps!!

(Get it?? Hahhh...)
Yes, I know that was painfully cheesy.

:)

The Rundown

Now that I've actually unpacked my suitcase, and done my laundry...

That trip was so fun! I miss it. (And because I miss it, I'm going to ramble on and on about it! ;))

Before I left I decided on two things.
1. I was going to take every opportunity to try new things.
2. I was going be semi-nomadic and stay with different people. (Ben Franklin did say, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." True enough! )


So, I landed in CA around 1:30 on Friday, the 11th.

My cute aunt, Mary and her hubby, Ben took me on a tour around the Loma Linda University medical school. He teaches there, and has written text books. Impressive, huh? They showed me everything...even the cadavers. (NOTE: I was super proud of myself. The last time I saw a cadaver was almost 10 years ago. Back then I ran out of the room, threw up, and dropped my anatomy&physiology class. True story.)

Then we went out to eat with my cute cousin Linda. After that, Linda took me to Trader Joe's, where we discovered that we like all the same vegan foods. Who knew? Love it!!


On Saturday I went to church with Linda, and then we went horseback riding with her friend, Julie. (Again I was proud of myself. The last time I was on a horse, I was 13. That horse fell with me on him, bruising my left left leg and breaking my left ring finger. It's still crooked...) I stayed on the horse the whole time; despite the crazy trails and steep drops. I kept my eyes closed a lot!

We saw hawks...

and found their feathers (thanks to Julie!).

Love. :)

Later we had dinner with Mary and Ben.

When we got back to Linda's we Yogaed (yes, it's a noun turned verb now)...and laughed hysterically at the instructor guy!

On Sunday we all went to Disney Land for my second time ever (and took absolutely no photos)! It was fabulous, but I don't know how people do it with kids. Speaking of... I totally got offered the kids menu at the Blue Bayou!! And of course I ordered from it! Perfect portion size. I remember back in high school when the kids menu was a complete insult. And now I wish it to happen more often... Ha! It was a fun day. :)

Mary and Ben dropped me off at the airport early Monday morning. I was so sad to leave.

When I got to Salt Lake I ended up renting the ugliest silver Pontiac I've ever seen in my life! At first glance I wanted to cry, but I had to laugh! It was a good conversation starter in mall parking lots. Haha

I stayed with Terisa and Warren on Monday and Tuesday.... Terisa and I were soo happy Brad picked Emily! A cute little blonde widow is a way better option over a divorcee with a boob job. Just sayin'!

Tuesday I went to lunch with my FB friend, Jaime O. (That'll be her blogging alias.) And now we're real-life-friends. She's darling; love her!

On Wednesday I finally got to see T.Thorpe! She was in the process of moving to Iowa. Anyway (like I mentioned before) we went for Reiki massages, hit up our favorite health food store, binged on soy ice cream, and laughed much---just our much needed usual!

I was so sad to leave her on Thursday. But Jared took me to dinner, and that was fun. Although I was not offered the kids menu. [Sigh.] Ego, crushed. ;) Anyway, I stayed with my sister in Sandy, for a widows/ers conference.

That conference was on Friday and Saturday. I had been on the fence about attending, but decided to go at the last minute. I was glad I did! It was really fun to meet new people in similar situations. And to finally meet others who I felt like I already knew was good too. :)

On Saturday T. Thorpe texted to tell me that they had officially left state borders. Suddenly Utah became a lonelier place. Soo I blew off the "workshops" and went shopping with my cute (also now real-life-) friend Katie.

By Sunday I realized I was tired and did a lot of nothing.

On Monday I got all my hair chopped off, because you cannot get a bad haircut in UT. My hair is now the shortest it's ever been (shoulder length). I went to lunch with Sara in Salt Lake, and then went back to Springville one last time; to clean a marker that shouldn't look so neglected.

On Tuesday...I went back to my littles. I missed them so much.

The end.

I may have forgotten that I have a blog...

And I may have forgotten that other people write blogs.


Opps!

Here's the deal.... I have a tendency to get super introspective. I think way too much...all the time.

Life got crazy. Actually...it was just the new normal, and I was tired (partially from thinking too much). I'm still a little tired, but whatev! :)

So (only because my parents can sometimes be patient and long-suffering) I went on a kid-free holiday, from everything (blogging included). It was amazing.

I might blog about it.

Anyway...
I'm back!!
(...and feeling that much more like me :))



Love!!
xo

Recharge

Flights: Booked
SW Boarding Pass: Printed (Group A--Hollerrr!)
Laundry: Done
Car rental: Reserved
Bags: Packed!!



Hello, SoCal & Utardiah!
I have missed you!

:)

Valentine's Day '11

Happy Pink Day!!

Love,
The Hill girls



(Ps.. Yes, I totally forgot a cheesy group shot.)

WTF?!

Never!!

Please note:

Those resolutions that I made last year are still in effect.

That is all.

Christmas '10

Happy Christmas to all!
And to all, a good night!!

Love,
The Hill girls

We're a coordinated bunch...
xo

London

Ben never really cared for holidays. It was one of his quirks that could really bug me. He usually forgot my birthday. He totally spaced our third wedding anniversary. So, the holiday season was no exception. (He blamed it on a mental block brought on by traumatic childhood memories. But those are not mine to share.)

Anyway! When it came to Christmas I always had to remind him, and tell him exactly what I wanted. For Christmas 2005, I wanted him to pick out a new perfume for me to wear. I had been wearing the same scent for a while. I gave him a list of three different options to smell.

Two weeks before Christmas he got it. He told me as soon as he picked me up from work. I could tell that he was proud of himself, and excited to give it to me. He told me all about how he boldly went into the department store, and carefully smelled almost all of the available scents. He had spent almost two hours before he found the perfect one. According to him, it was better than any of the perfumes I had thought of.

He had taken this assignment more seriously than I wanted him to. His heart was set on me loving what he chose.

I was completely willing to wait the two weeks so that I could open it on Christmas morning. BUT he was so excited that he gave it to me that night.

It was still in the shopping bag when he handed it to me. I had never heard of the brand or perfume before.

As soon as I sprayed it on my wrists....my eyes teared up. And not from emotion... It was overpoweringly strong, and stung my nose. The stuff smelled awful.

I looked up and saw him smiling, eager for a positive reaction. I had to lie.

Holding back my gag reflex...
I told him I loved it.

That next morning I reluctantly decided to wear it to work. I was relieved that no one said anything negative about how I smelled... (But they didn't say anything positive either!)

I told a few close friends the story behind it. They all told me how I needed be honest with Ben and I tell him how much I hated it. I saw their point. And it was valid.

But I never could bring myself to do it.



I still have it. The bottle is old, scratched, and half empty.
Every once in a great while, I'll spray my wrists. My nose will sting all over again. I'll still dislike what I'm smelling. But the thought of that sweet man braving the beauty department...for two hours...melts my heart every single time.

I love him.

Happy Halloween!!

Love,

Sleeping Beauty & Rapunzel

Happy 4th!!

Love,
The Hill Girls

To: Our Daddy

Happy Father's Day!!
We love you always.

Love,
Jocelyn Michelle
&
Sophia Leigh

Mother's Day

Last year...

A very sweet husband gave his wife...

• one dozen of her favorite Gerbera daisies
• some really good candy
  
• Saturday night dinner
• Sunday morning breakfast
  

...an unexpected, heart-felt, teary-eyed, long overdue apology.



Thank you, Benny.
I love you...heart & soul.

Happy Easter!!

Love,
The Hill Girls

The Bloopers

St. Patrick's Day photos were super fun!

I wanted just ONE good shot of the girls in their cute green outfits, that a friend got them. Perfect for St. Patrick's Day!
Elaine took the pictures for me. But after a few attempts it was obvious that total cooperation wasn't going to happen.

And so, here is a series we affectionately refer to as,
"The Bloopers!"
(Because behind every photo, there is a story.)

In moments like these, I can't help but laugh!

Maybe Easter will be easier.
Maybe.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Love,
The Hill Girls

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Love,
The Hill Girls

Yesterday

Yesterday I was reminded of something I miss...

These realizations hit me at the most unexpected times. It's overwhelming to think of all the things I miss about him. But when I think of what my girls will miss, my heart breaks again.

A big part of Jocee's night-time routine, was to spend time with Daddy before she went to bed. I was always grateful for this. To me it was Ben's way of helping. I could easily feed Sophie and put her to bed quietly.

But more than helping me, it was Jocee's time to receive one-on-one attention from Ben. They would talk about her day. He would read to her. They would watch her cartoons. During football season, they would even watch football together. I would often hear them both yelling at the TV. Jocee rarely knew exactly what she was cheering for, but it made me smile every time.

Jocee loved the time she spent with her daddy. She would look forward to it each day. And when Ben was away on overnight trips, she missed him.

In short:
I know the awareness of his absence will continually impact me for the rest of all of our lives. My heart aches for all the experiences my girls are robbed of. Ben had so many plans for when they got older (I.E. camping, fishing, hiking, flying etc..). But the subtle day-to-day things are missed the most.

I still don't know how to handle it.
It hits with a paralyzing force.