On being a hypocrite...

Since I've already owned up to being one, I figured I may as well go all the way. ;)

Here's the backup story...

Before I graduated high school, I had never been west of the Mississippi, ever (unless you count moving from SLC when I was two).

Most people go to school for an education, but me? I'm not really sure what I was doing back then. So, I decided to go to school in Idaho. I'd never been to Idaho before. And all those things I heard about Idaho being boring couldn't be all true.

When we landed in SLC, I was in love. Mountains are even prettier in person, and dry heat was a new concept. My hair was doing amazing things.

Then we had to drive to Rexburg. I was totally excited. But...as we got closer and closer, the landscape became more and more desolate looking. The biggest store in town was the smallest Walmart I'd ever been to. Instead of trees, there was sage brush, everywhere. I even teared up a little when I saw my first tumbleweed.

Really, Idaho wasn't that bad. I met lots of fun people, and had fun doing the most random things. People actually jump off of bridges for fun there, and the sand dunes were like the beach minus water. Yellowstone is super close. It was good to break out of my comfort zone.

But like most out of state students, I would become nostalgic and miss familiar things. (So lame!)

I would talk up Bean Town like it was the best place ever, and at the time I genuinely believed it was. For me, Idaho never felt quite right.

Fast forward to today...

While the three of us were playing outside; drenched in bug repellent with gnats flying in our faces, as trees were covering a perfectly good sunset like this one...

It hit me.

I was such a hypocrite!

Back when I was sugar coating New England, did I ever mention this? Did I mention how gross and oppressive humidity can feel? Or how the drivers are some of the biggest DBs you'll never meet? Or how I fully agree with GQ? (Of course not!)

Because now when I feel nostalgic, I really miss things out west (minus Idaho). I miss dry heat, and open skies. I miss sandstone, and mountains. I even miss Yellowstone sometimes.


But really, I'm not saying that "there" is any better than "here" (even though sometimes I might feel that way). I am openly admitting that each place has it's perks and pitfalls.

It's funny knowing that my opinions can be so opposite, 10 years later. So while I'm feeling (extra) honest I'll eat those bitter words, too!

The end. :)


(Ahh...I feel better now ;))

xo

I am a hypocrite.

But I love it soo much!!

I weighed the pros and cons heavily.

• Mobile to mobile with T. Thorpe! And nearly everyone else I know, too!
• Texting is more organized.
  
• BBM
  
• The camera is way clearer.
  
• Reading and returning emails in a timely fashion has been a win-win.
• My contacts are more organized.
• I finally get what those apps are all about.
• The planner is fab.

And the cons...

• Being on FB too much. (I haven't been! :))
• That extra data charge. (Ha! It's actually super cheap.)

Yeah....there weren't any!



Soo...it took me a little bit longer than the rest of the world to figure this one out. But I happily eat my words!

xo!

It's what BFFs with blogs do.

They blog about you for your birthday.
And since they are T. Thorpe... They do it with the most fashionable kind of lateness. ;)

(And since this is my favorite, and sweetest birthday present, I just had to copy&paste!)

Meet My Best Friend GINNY

Part II

In honor of Ginny's Birthday Month! ;)

1. Your Best Friend’s name. Introduce her/him.
Ginny Hill (click on her name)


2. Their Characteristic Traits...
Ginny is the most genuine person you will ever meet. What you see is really what you get. Factual... always has her facts together/straight. She still wears makeup even though there is no one to impress (and trust me in Massachusetts, that is BIG deal!!!!). She has great witty comebacks. Health conscious always aware what she is putting in her body. Yoga & Pilates buff. Intuitive In-tune... we are always on the same wave length.

3. Long-Distance or Close-Distance?
Long distance for right now...

4. What you do with you Best Friend when you hang out?
Eat Soy Ice Cream or eat a artichoke(without butter) while watching old movies or chick flicks. Hit up a health food shop. Laugh until we are crying. Go get Energy Massages.

5. Common Interests...
We are Boston Girls, Mommy of 2 (kids same ages), We both married guys that challenged us to be a little less girly, Health Conscious, Old Movies, holistic alternatives, Blood Type Diets, Exercising, Same Tv Shows, Makeup and Hair Care, Paranormal, Bloggers, Reiki,

6. Different Interests...
I really like Meat and I LOVE a great Steak... Ginny not so much aka she's vegetarian.
I LOVE Makeup... Ginny would rather have amazing Hair products.
I LOVE doing Cardio workouts...Ginny LOVES Yoga.
I LOVE Oprah... Ginny LOVES Dr.OZ.
I LOVE Cookie Dough Soy Ice Cream... Ginny LOVES Pomegranate Chocolate Chip Soy Ice Cream.
I have a built in GPS In my head... Ginny has one on her dash board!(Garmin is her bf! ;))
I have never shot a animal... Ginny has!!
I like Classic timeless clothes/colors...think Ralph Lauren... Ginny wears more bright & takes a chance on what she wears, think Color Block!
Ginny is more likely to read a Book... I'm more likey to watch it on TV.
GO SOX!!!... Ginny is more whatev!

7. Recall any fights you’ve had?
Let's just say dogs and pregnancy don't mix well.


8. Best Memory?
Honestly there are to many to choose from... Every time we get together is a Best Memory!!

9. A Letter to your Best Friend...

Dear Ginny,

It's Summer time again which means You & I turn another year older. Thankfully we are able to do so gracefully! ;) Whether its hair, makeup, skin, weight, eating habits, emotional, mental, or even spiritual I believe we will always keep each other young!!

We have both grown a lot in the past year. Unfortunately not all by choice. There has been a lot of heartaches, tears, and disappointments. Some how in the midst of all that, we have seemed to keep ourselves some what grounded. Help keep each other in balance, and most importantly laugh most of the way through it. :) Naturally we have had alot of fun & great Memories too!!! Some of the best times/ highlights this past year has included you visiting.

I can truly say you are one of the very few who knows me best. Even though we are so different, we are so much alike. Sometimes we are so in tune with each other its scary! (A good scary of course!) Its not a good week without spending a few hours on the phone talking and laughing after kids have gone to bed! Even Alan would agree... hes able to catch up on his shows and read! ;) I love how no topic is silly or dumb. And how most people would probably feel stupid if they talked about the things we discuss.

Whenever I think of our friendship a quote from William Shakespeare always comes to mind.. "A friend is one that knows you as you are, Understands where you have been, Accepts what you have become, and still, Gently allows you to grow." My Mother always told me its always best to have 1 friend who gets you than to have a whole group of people who don't. I am so grateful and fortunate that I have a BFF like you!! :) And extremely thankful that our kids are following in our footsteps with each other! I have no doubt we will be friends for the rest of our lives!!

~Fire & Air~
Tiffany

10. Any Photo's of You and your Best Friend?

Thank you so much, T. Thorpe!!

I hope I can live up to all the sweet things you say about me! Love you, chicky!!

I know! I know!

I've been slacking on the blogging front. Big time.

I do have things to post... If my drafts folder had seams, it would be busting at them (almost).

I'll change that this week.

Pinky promise ;)

Before my birthday month is over...

Since I've pretty much boycotted the New Year's resolution for two consecutive years, I need to compensate somewhere else. If I don't, I may never make a goal publicly again. And if I don't, who's going to call me out when I slack??

Anyway! Here's a list of random goals to begin my 29th year of life.

• Eat more Indian food. Not only is it delicious, but curry is super healthy. I need more.

• Go back to school for real. I have a direction. I just need to follow through with that initiative part.
  

• Potty train Sophie. (She knows how it works. She can be a pro when she wants. She just needs a little initiative, too...)
  

• Eat chocolate in moderation. (Ya know, instead of recognizing it as a major food group.)
  

• Meditate at least every other day.

• Yoga more.

• Stop sleeping with the TV on. (Those infomercials can wreak havoc on my sleep cycle.)
  

• Take more photos.

• Be a funner mom.
  

URL change

I've been contemplating this for a while.

When I started the blog, Ben was posting to it, too. Benandginnyhill made sense.

I'm not really part of a "we" anymore, and neither is my blog. Now ginnyhill fits best, and feels right.

It's good to take ownership of "just me" (+2 :)).



Soo...change your readers/feeds/whatever!

Love you guys!!

xoxo

It's still a boulder...

A friend recently urged me to watch a movie. I haven't watched it yet (but I fully intend to). Just in case I never get around to it, he typed the dialogue of a few scenes out for me.

It resonated deep.

DAUGHTER: Does it ever go away?

MOTHER: What?

DAUGHTER: This feeling.

MOTHER: No. I don't think it does. Not for me it hasn't. And that's goin' on eleven years.
(beat)
It changes though.

DAUGHTER: How?

MOTHER: I don't know. The weight of it, I guess. At some point it becomes bearable. It turns into something you can crawl out from under, and carry around - like a brick in your pocket. And you forget it every once in a while, but then you reach in for whatever reason and there it is: "Oh right. That." Which can be awful. But not all the time.

Sometimes it's kinda... Not that you like it exactly, but it's what you have instead of your son, so you don't wanna let go of it either. So you carry it around. And it doesn't go away, which is...

DAUGHTER: What?

MOTHER: Fine...actually.

I can't say that I've forgotten for even the briefest moment. But just when I think I'm doing so well, and this "thing" might be turning into more of a brick, little things creep up, just to remind me that it's still a big ugly boulder.

A holiday passes...

A memory surfaces...

Jocee asks if Daddy's flying that plane overhead, or if he misses her, or if he likes being away from her...



And I'm right back under that boulder, all over again. Crushed and gasping for air.



I still miss him so much, it leaves a physical ache. I think it's safe to say that the three of us do.


I love Ben.

That is all.

To: The Best Daddy

There's not a day that goes by that we don't think of you, talk about you, and miss you.

Happy Father's Day!!

We love you always.

Love,
Jocee & Sophie

28 really useless Ginny facts

Ya know, the kind that are soo random that even I haven't blogged about them.
It is my birthday month; in case you forgot. ;)

1. This is hard. I feel like I've blogged it all. Hmm...

2. I've been wearing the same toe ring on my right foot since June, 2003.

3. I feel antsy when my toes aren't painted. (They're currently in dire need of a touch up.)

4. I'm pretty hesitant to embrace new technologies. Like smart phones... I'm sure it's nice to stay connected to the internet (and everyone else) all day. But I cringe at the thought of being so accessible.

5. Oh, and Twitter just seems like the never ending FB status. Blahhh. I doubt I'll ever get an account.

6. Lately I've been the worst ever at checking my email. If I check it once a day, I'm doing really good. And I love turning my cellphone off sometimes, too. Silence is sweet.

7. I love real books with real bindings and paper. I hope they never get totally replaced by those e-reader thingies.

8. And with all this talk of tech-ish things... I just have to go to Indonesia. When the girls leave for college, so am I! I'd be so content to just live with monks for a few months. (I am serious.) That probably sounds Eat, Pray, Love-ish. But, whatever. I wanted to before I saw the movie.

9. I hate crew neck tops. Ben hated turtle necks. So now, I mostly only wear scoop or v-necks.

10. I'm completely convinced that the Canadian geese in Sharon, MA should be added to the "birds of prey" list. If I win this battle (that I kind of started with them...), I will blog about it.

11. When I was little, I used to envision myself growing into a tall woman with long, straight, brown hair. Hahh!!

12. So many people have told me that when they first met me, they thought I was snobby (and how I'm so not). Weird, right?!! It kind of bugs me when I hear that.

13. I take like 6 supplements a day. Love them.

14. LLB calls me a Dr. Oz worshiper. I wouldn't go that far, but I do take almost all of his advice to heart. (I say "almost all" because he has a lot of stuff for the middle-aged Oprah fans. It doesn't apply to me yet.)

15. One of my goals for this next year, is to meditate at least 3 times a week.

16. Another goal is to stop falling asleep with the TV on. (That makes me sound like such a hypocrite with all the technology bashing I've done in this post! Haha)

17. I have not finished a single book I've started in the last...21 months.

18. I'm a horrible liar. The guilt just eats at me, and I'm not convincing at all.

19. I'm starting to realize that I can't shop at Forever XXI, forever...

20. Today a 21 year old kid asked me where I go to college. He thought I was like his age! Hahahah :) It was a good day...

21. Jocee knows that my favorite number is 21. She thinks that your favorite number should be your age, so she often asks me if I wish I was 21. I always tell her that I'm happy to be my age. But when I stop and think about where I was back then, sometimes I do.

22. I'm more of a cat person, than a dog person. I appreciate they're independence.

23. I'm not a fan of jerky pickup truck drivers. I feel that they are overcompensating for something...small.

24. I never watch scary movies. And if I ever do, I'm notorious for covering my eyes.

25. Sometimes I feel kind of bad for all the people who search for bloopers from that MTV show, and land on my blog instead. But seriously, do you really think a series that poses as a reality show, is going to post bloopers on the internet??

26. I LOVE that the story of how Ben and I met, gets the most hits. That makes me happy. :)

27. I've been trying extra hard to be happy lately. I definitely don't always want to be branded as that sad little blonde widow, with that sad widowed blog. It'd be like playing the same 3 cords for the rest of my life. I've stumbled across blogs like that, and I cannot stand them.

28. I can't believe I'm 28 this month. Ben only got to be 30. He'd be 32 this year. This is bothering me a lot. I don't really know what to say, or how to say it. But I get sad when I think about it.

Happy Beats

As of late...















What are some of your's??

xo

Ginny, circa 1985

Back when Precious Moments, pinkish sweaters, PB&J, yogurt, chatting on the phone, and being two were some of my favorite things...

:)

(NOTE: My parents didn't cut my hair like a boy or anything. That's just as long as it was.)

Buggy

I am just so lucky to be this little chicky's mommy.

I adore the little lady that she is becoming.

She is by far, the girliest tomboy I know.

She has the sweetest sense of humor, and already, such a quick wit.

The sound of her little voice always makes me smile.

Her facial expressions are some of the most animated I've seen.

Her laugh is contagious.

And most of all, she is still so sweet to the core.


Daddy has got to be so proud.

Something that I want

So...India can wait.

I've got a new vacation destination to work on.

Because seriously, when the beaches look like this...


And when one of the main modes of transportation is this...


And when there's no shortage of these quiet, quiet people...


...who live in quiet, quiet places like these...

I have decided.

If I only ever visit one place in this life, outside of North America, it's going to be....Indonesia!! Maybe those Buddhists will let me hang out with them... :)

Just putting it out there.

;)

xo

28 is the new 18!!

That's how old I'll be this month, friends!

(And since I'm feeling nostalgic....)

What was I doing 10 years ago??

Gym.
Tan.
Like totally, shaking my A to some Britney!

Not much has changed...

;)




Except...I'm not so much of a gym rat anymore.
Oh, and I'm not really into wrinkles and melanoma, so tanning is out, too...
And that Britney... Sheesh, she's been through A LOT.

Chicken Scratch

I love when little pieces of Ben surface exactly when I need them.

I've always thought that his handwriting was so cute, so typically masculine, so him.

He always wrote with those felt-tipped pens...

Sheesh, I miss him.


(Note: Kenny was one of Ben's freelance students. Now, we're FB friends.)

Thank you so much, Kenny!

Today I thought about...

• How he carried a black pocket knife everywhere. And how he'd whip it out any time I'd ask for scissors.

• How he'd always insist on sitting right next to me in restaurants (instead of across the table).

• How he'd make up little songs for me. And how they usually came out sounding more like brand jingles.

• His laugh. How it got high-pitched when something was super funny.

• How he wouldn't fix his cowlick in the morning, if I told him it looked cute.

• How he'd sometimes refer to himself in the third person. "Don't worry. Your Benny will fix it."

• How he was the only person I knew who still used the word, "gnarly."

• How he'd make the same exact facial expressions that I'd recognize from his kiddie photos.

• How he'd draw hearts on my palm. (Along with so many other things I've already mentioned before.)
  

• How as I fell asleep in bed at night, he'd always put a pillow between my knees so that my lower back wouldn't hurt. And how he'd laugh as I grumbled each time, because he kind of woke me up.

...what it felt like to be around Ben.


I hope I don't ever forget...even the littlest things.

7 years ago

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden, I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love.

-Rob Thomas

May 19th

Remember last year, when I posted about what happened today (8 years ago)??

I know I've mentioned that he was kind of awful with remembering birthdays and anniversaries. But this day was the exception. Whenever this day rolled around, Ben was always the first to remind me. He was sincere when he'd tell me what it meant to him.

If he were alive today, I would have woken up to him wishing me a "Happy 8 Years Luvees."---Because it's the day when he decided that he loved me. And it's the day I decided to take a chance on him.

This day will always mean so much to me. Always.

Authenticity

...or just bad grammar.

Yay, MSG fest!!
(Happy now. Sad later.)


:)

"Unslumping yourself is not easy done."

I really do love May. I always have. And when Ben popped into my world, I loved it even more.

But right now I just don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I'll even catch myself feeling antsy and anxious. Hate that.

I don't want to cry, so I haven't been. Much. The puffy eye look isn't good on me. And I can just picture Ben shrugging his shoulders with a "Gin,-we've-been-over-this" attitude.

That empty ache is still there. It just might be permanent. But I don't want to be stuck. Ben wouldn't (doesn't) want me stuck either. That's when people get frumpy...

No more wallowing. For now.

In so many aspects, I have been blessed beyond measure.

Gerber Daisies

I love when your husband's friends request you on FB, because they're missing him too.

Then I love when some of them leave you sweet notes periodically, just so you don't feel forgotten.

And because they are so thoughtful online, and you make trips out to UT whenever you can, I love how you decide you've just gotta meet them in real life.

And the best part is when all of their posts translate into a real person, who is just as genuine as they seem.

So Mother's Day rolls around, and intuitively they just know this day will be a difficult one. And because they know, and they read your blog, they send you your favorite flowers just to brighten the day.
I love when that happens!



Thank you, Jaime O!!
It means so much to me!

xo

Dear Me... (2)

I saw this video today, and loved it. Everyone should watch it and take it to heart.


But it got me wondering...
What if the current me, could talk to the younger me? What would I tell myself? Would I listen to me? I've already written one of those open letters to myself.

But what would I say to 16 year old me?

Hmm...

Dear 16 Year Old Me,

Congrats on getting your braces off! Now stop smiling like a barbie for just a moment, and listen to me!

Stop relaxing your hair. It's only going to end up a fried mess. Embrace your natural curls.

Embrace all of who you are. Those padded bras are uncomfortable, huh? Just stop wearing them now.

Here's a list of tools to avoid... [names not seen here to protect the innocent. :)]
Here's a list of NICE boys to give the time of day... [same story.]

Oh, in two years you're going to go off to college...across the country, in the middle of nowhere. You're going to be as indecisive as all get out. Just make writing your major. The medical field does not suit you, and you're not quite ready for new-agey yet either. Trust me on that one, k?

About 18 months after that you're going to meet an amazing man. You'll know he's the one because of how he adores you. He's going to want to marry you two months after you start dating. Don't second guess it.

He's not perfect. In fact, he'll totally screw up your first Mother's Day. But don't be too angry at him for that one! Please be sweet to him everyday you have him with you; especially when he drives you crazy.

He will spend everyday of the rest of forever making sure you feel his love for you.

The joy and love you'll experience as a mother can scarcely be described, and deserves a letter all it's own. Perhaps 40 Year Old Me will have more on that.

Oh, and bringing it back to melanoma... You're going to be tempted to visit those tanning beds way too much. DON'T DO IT! 27 Year Old Me still doesn't know what those 3 years are going to get you.

Love,
Ginny

LOL'ing

I laughed a lot today.

I laughed at myself (and kinda screamed) this morning as a bottle of sparkling water exploded on me. Sophie laughed too... It was awesome.

I laughed when some classy broad flipped my off in Braintree. For the record, I'm not quite sure what I did to make her so angry. But I'll just blame it on her minivan and frizzy hair. I'd be having a bad day too...

I laughed when I asked Jocee why she was in timeout, and her answer was, "Because I don't like it, and you know it." --It's a good thing we talked about it after!

I laughed when Sophie yelled, "Mommy, Mommy! Let down your hair!"

It's her favorite movie, and the only one she'll watch the whole way through. She tells me I'm Rapunzel all the time.

I know! I don't see it either!

But if you're looking for a true likeness, I found this pretty accurate!

Thanks, T.Thorpe!

Oh, and I laughed really hard when I watched this...

Seriously, watch it 5 times. It just gets funnier! The poor kid...

It's May

And all I can really think about is this...

• What a peaceful, easy day it was...
• How the weather was perfect...
• How happy and calm I felt...
• How thrilled he was...
• How my heart still aches...

It's all so vivid in my mind, and yet it feels so far away.

After the ceremony was done, I remember walking out of the bridal room, and smiling at him. I remember a sweet old man walking by us and saying, "You know you've picked the right one when you smile like that."

I remember Ben taking every opportunity to refer to me as his wife, like he was savoring the word.

I even remember this moment perfectly...

The reception was almost over.
There were no new guests to greet.
Ben was talking to friends.
Not thinking, I went and sat at an empty table by myself.
Almost as soon as I had sat down, he was in front of me.
He asked me if I was tired.
I just smiled.
Then he kissed me.



21 makes 7 years.
I wish we had 7 years.


Thank you, May.

I love Ben.

Because I just happened to be up at 6:00 am...

Kate's dress was timeless perfection.

William is looking too, too much like his dad.



And that's my take on history in the making!

Can we move on with our lives now??