On turning 30...

I love it.  

 When asked, I've been telling people, "I'm 30. Well, almost 30," for at least 10 months now.  It just couldn't come soon enough.  And I hope I'll be even more excited for 40.

But I did have a moment of introspection last week.

(and here's a post about it...)

 .....

In April of 2009, I got one of my most bestest ideas!  Ben was turning 30, and it couldn't just be like any other birthday.  30 felt like a big deal then too.  So I was watching TV by myself one night while he was away flying planes when the idea hit.  I was going to make a list of 30 qualities I loved about him!  But it wasn't going to be cheesy or random.  It was going to be sincere so that he knew how important he was.  I needed him to know how important and loved he was.

I think I wrote 25 things that night.  Over the next four months I fine tuned it...over and over and over.  I was so excited to give it to him.  As his birthday got closer, I wrote it in a letter (and rewrote it), and thought about maybe posting it to the blog.  It was SO hard to keep it a secret.

When I finally gave it to him (the night before--couldn't wait!), he said he loved it.  He told me it was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.  He stayed up until midnight so that he could see the scheduled blog post.

.......

So here I am!!  I'm 30!!  Yayyyyy!!!!! :)

But there's no one to write a list of 30 things they love about me.  Wahhh.  Not really.  (I'm pretty sure Ben wouldn't write a list for me if he was here.  All good.)

More than that, do I even have 30 qualities to love??

Do I make a difference??

Do I give as much as I get??

 Do people know how important they are to me??

Do I help??

Do I leave people feeling better??

Do I uplift and encourage??

Do I show my love for others as much as I have it??

Am I worthy of being missed, like Ben-level missed??

I would like to think that all of the answers are a confident, "YES!!"

But I will assume I can do better.  I will use the time I have left here (hoping that it's considerable) to love more.

And if people make lists then, I hope I leave with at least 30 things on mine.