???

How do people do the life thing; with the house that they've lived in since 1981, and the job they've had even longer??  And the marriage...that one where they even grow old together??  How?  How does that happen??  How does anything stay that constant??  Are they ducking curve balls...or wrecking balls??  I'm being serious.  (Kind of.  I just started singing an awful song in my head... You know you did too!!  But I digress...)

Back when I was 17 and planning my life, I envisioned something constant and relatively uneventful.  I'd marry some phenomenal guy (with blonde surfer hair, and blue eyes, and muscles).  I'd be a trendy soccer mom who goes to spinning classes and drives a cute SUV.  We'd have three perfect blonde children (a boy, and two girls).  I'd go back to school for fun when they were in school all day, and maybe I'd do hair and makeup.  And we'd live somewhere fun, in the perfect house.  Happily ever after, the end.

I was an idiot.

And for the record, Ben was infinitely better than any man I'd ever met.  Jocee and Sophie are more than I could have ever hoped for.  We all know this.

But where's the consistency that I was banking on?  At this point my only constant is inconsistency.  And the only person I can really bank on for the future is myself.  I'm it.

But where will I be in three years??  What kind of practice will I have??  Will I be successful??  Will we ever stay anywhere long term; long enough to buy a cute house in a cute, safe little neighborhood??  Or maybe I'm just trying to salvage the last of that 17 year old's pipe dream??

I'll have to work my glutes off, and see what happens.

That one time...

Cleaning out my drafts again!

2011 :)  A girl working for a local newspaper saw them at a local park, and had to take some photos.  This one ended up on the front page.

I heart science.

I've been super emotional lately.  I could blame it on finals or recent planetary alignments or my innate XX chromosome pairing....  But whatever the reason, I've chosen to let it out here.

Ever since school started I've realized two very clear things.  First, that Ben has to be so happy for me.  And second, that my life is so drastically different now.  I'm on an entirely different path (and it's such a good fit).  This is where I'm supposed to be, and this is exactly what I'm supposed to do. 

And I almost can't picture my life any other way.  (Almost.)

((And that kind of breaks my heart.))

What is wrong with me??  When I do well on a test, or have some other small ungraded victory (like the first time I took a pulse and identified the qualities correctly); even after all this time he's the first person I think of.  He's the only person who understands what this all means to me.  He's the only person who really knows what it took for me to get here.

That really hit me last summer.  I was dating someone (whom I was very happy with..for like a minute).  When I had been accepted to school, we went to dinner...to celebrate maybe.  Up to that point he knew what my plans were, but he didn't know why.  And then the majority of that dinner was spent defending myself.  Whyyy would I go to acupuncture school if I'm such a good writer and I don't like science?? (Long story, and I do like science if I can see the application.)
Am I all about the money?? (No, but...)
But if I'm not all about money, why aren't I going to school for writing?? (Don't wanna.)
What would I write if money didn't matter? (Moot. And to be fair, I'm not that "good" unless my insides are falling out.)
But I'm good at WRITING because we were friends since kindergarten and "friends" on social media so he just knew more about me than I did...
 And it didn't really feel like any of my answers were heard.  And he wasn't all that happy for me.
And we continued dating for months after that. (#facepalm)  And then we didn't (for a variety of unrelated reasons). (Yay!!)

Anyway.

I once knew a man who'd be happy enough to do a happy dance with me.  He might even brag about me like he sometimes did.  To him I could already do all the things I wanted to do.  I just had to figure out what those things were.

And now whom ever I end up with won't know how far I've come.  I'll just be a girl in acupuncture school, or better yet...just Ginny the acupuncturist.

And really, that's okay.  It's how it should be (provided he worships me like he should ;) Not joking).  But I hope he happy dances with me too.  Because there will absolutely be a whole lot more to dance about.

xoxo