???

How do people do the life thing; with the house that they've lived in since 1981, and the job they've had even longer??  And the marriage...that one where they even grow old together??  How?  How does that happen??  How does anything stay that constant??  Are they ducking curve balls...or wrecking balls??  I'm being serious.  (Kind of.  I just started singing an awful song in my head... You know you did too!!  But I digress...)

Back when I was 17 and planning my life, I envisioned something constant and relatively uneventful.  I'd marry some phenomenal guy (with blonde surfer hair, and blue eyes, and muscles).  I'd be a trendy soccer mom who goes to spinning classes and drives a cute SUV.  We'd have three perfect blonde children (a boy, and two girls).  I'd go back to school for fun when they were in school all day, and maybe I'd do hair and makeup.  And we'd live somewhere fun, in the perfect house.  Happily ever after, the end.

I was an idiot.

And for the record, Ben was infinitely better than any man I'd ever met.  Jocee and Sophie are more than I could have ever hoped for.  We all know this.

But where's the consistency that I was banking on?  At this point my only constant is inconsistency.  And the only person I can really bank on for the future is myself.  I'm it.

But where will I be in three years??  What kind of practice will I have??  Will I be successful??  Will we ever stay anywhere long term; long enough to buy a cute house in a cute, safe little neighborhood??  Or maybe I'm just trying to salvage the last of that 17 year old's pipe dream??

I'll have to work my glutes off, and see what happens.

That one time...

Cleaning out my drafts again!

2011 :)  A girl working for a local newspaper saw them at a local park, and had to take some photos.  This one ended up on the front page.

I heart science.

I've been super emotional lately.  I could blame it on finals or recent planetary alignments or my innate XX chromosome pairing....  But whatever the reason, I've chosen to let it out here.

Ever since school started I've realized two very clear things.  First, that Ben has to be so happy for me.  And second, that my life is so drastically different now.  I'm on an entirely different path (and it's such a good fit).  This is where I'm supposed to be, and this is exactly what I'm supposed to do. 

And I almost can't picture my life any other way.  (Almost.)

((And that kind of breaks my heart.))

What is wrong with me??  When I do well on a test, or have some other small ungraded victory (like the first time I took a pulse and identified the qualities correctly); even after all this time he's the first person I think of.  He's the only person who understands what this all means to me.  He's the only person who really knows what it took for me to get here.

That really hit me last summer.  I was dating someone (whom I was very happy with..for like a minute).  When I had been accepted to school, we went to dinner...to celebrate maybe.  Up to that point he knew what my plans were, but he didn't know why.  And then the majority of that dinner was spent defending myself.  Whyyy would I go to acupuncture school if I'm such a good writer and I don't like science?? (Long story, and I do like science if I can see the application.)
Am I all about the money?? (No, but...)
But if I'm not all about money, why aren't I going to school for writing?? (Don't wanna.)
What would I write if money didn't matter? (Moot. And to be fair, I'm not that "good" unless my insides are falling out.)
But I'm good at WRITING because we were friends since kindergarten and "friends" on social media so he just knew more about me than I did...
 And it didn't really feel like any of my answers were heard.  And he wasn't all that happy for me.
And we continued dating for months after that. (#facepalm)  And then we didn't (for a variety of unrelated reasons). (Yay!!)

Anyway.

I once knew a man who'd be happy enough to do a happy dance with me.  He might even brag about me like he sometimes did.  To him I could already do all the things I wanted to do.  I just had to figure out what those things were.

And now whom ever I end up with won't know how far I've come.  I'll just be a girl in acupuncture school, or better yet...just Ginny the acupuncturist.

And really, that's okay.  It's how it should be (provided he worships me like he should ;) Not joking).  But I hope he happy dances with me too.  Because there will absolutely be a whole lot more to dance about.

xoxo

Just putting it out there...

I'm adding something to my bucket list.  What I'm about to add may make me sound delusional.

One of my goals in life will be to become such an expert on...something (technology, entertainment, or design... ;)).  Such an expert that I'll be TED talk worthy.  And maybe even eventually give a 14-18 minute talk that means something.  And maybe even give that talk at a TED conference.

Yup.  That's going on the bucket list.  I know it's far-fetched.  The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know for sure.  But there's life to be lived, and I'm putting it out there :)

And since I love TED so much...

xo

Mommy Win :)

Jocee is now 6, and in the first grade.  Her teacher says that she is kind to everyone in class, has a lot of friends, and loves math and writing.  At home, she is the best big sister, and likes to help me whenever she can.  I'm proud of her everyday.  But two weeks ago, I got to be a little extra proud...

A little boy in her class had made fun of her polka dot pants.  He told her they looked silly, and for weeks after she refused to wear them to school.  We had a lot of conversations about it, and I tried to encourage her to wear what makes her happy.  But none of it seemed to reach her.  He had said she looked silly; that's all that mattered.

Then one morning before school, she had her polka dots on.  I asked her is she was sure that she wanted to wear the outfit school...and she was!  We just smiled at each other.

But then when my mom asked her why she was wearing her polka dots, she confidently replied, "Because Mommy said that if I like something I should wear it anyway.   Not everyone will like my outfits, and that's okay.  They have their own clothes."

  

She was so self-assured, so innocent, and sincere.  I felt tears of gratitude well up.

On the way to school I told her how happy I was for her, and we talked about how some people can say mean things.  And how we can still be nice.  

She was so happy to finally wear her favorite pants to school again.  And I was so happy to see her strut into school with all the confidence I wished I had at 6.

That's my girl.

And I know her Daddy couldn't be more proud. 

PS... She came home smiling big, and told me that she "had the best day." :)

Stuff & Things

Classes started this week, and I'm learning a lot of new things.

1.  I actually like Physics!  I need to take a bunch of science classes that I purposely avoided earlier in life, and they're actually...fun.  Who knew??!  Three hour lectures are a drag, but the content really isn't.  And I'm extra shocked at how much Physics interests me.

2.  School makes me paranoid in regards to the flow of my Qi.  I am not joking.  I have a moderate breakout happening, and all I can think about is how heat is manifesting externally.  And according to my tongue I have spleen yang deficiency, accumulated dampness in my channels, and internal cold.

Normally, I'd just drink more water, invest in some better skin care products, and hope for the best.  Not anymore!!  There is clearly something seriously wrong.  I need hot soup, an acupuncture treatment and some herbs, STAT.

3.  There are no gongs in Medical QiGong.  I was the only person who didn't know this.  Apparently "gong" means "work," and next week I'll be wearing comfy clothes...

4.  The girls are doing awesome!  I was so concerned about how they would handle the new schedule, and struggled with a lot of mommy guilt.  But I couldn't be more proud of them.  They've been so helpful and sweet.  Sophie has been a rock star with cleaning up after herself, and they haven't had any arguments with each other in a while.  I love to see them love each other.

5.  And in regards to mommy guilt...  I shouldn't feel it.

This whole working mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate is getting on my nerves.  It's always bothered me, but it's wearing thin now.  I may (or may not) rant one day.

But really, can't we all just get along??  I'd rather assume that we're all just doing the best with the situations we have been given. xoxo

Life is good.